I remember the moment well. I was sitting in a lecture on (likely?) Developmental Psychology in my Bachelors at the University of Würzburg, when we got introduced to the eight stages development stages by Erikson.
The idea is that throughout a lifetime a person is challenged with eight classic conflicts. If the word conflict doesn’t sit well, imagine it rather like eight forks in the road – where you can either take a left (better outcome) or right (worse outcome). Roughly, those are:
1. Trust versus mistrust (0-2 years)
An overall, underlying feeling versus “I am okay, I can be in this world and trust it to catch me” versus “Something is wrong with me, I am ultimately not wanted”. According to Erikson, this is roughly determined by whether your needs where met even when you were tiny and couldn’t speak for yourself. Were you still taken seriously? Picked up when you cried? Cared for? From all of these interactions, an underlying feeling emerges – that can go either way, as stated above. Does this mean that you can never be happy if your parents didn’t care for you? That you’re doomed forever if they didn’t do well? Of course not – but some things might always be a little harder (according to Erikson), almost like you’re always carrying a little chip on your shoulder.
Perhaps this is the right moment to mention that this theory was obviously heavily criticised. The idea that there is nothing but a little time window to “get things right” at certain stages in your life (before these developmental tasks are forever “failed”) is not and cannot be scientifically validated. So bare with me, and take it with a grain of salt. Despite not being perfect, I feel like this system puts words onto some sensations most of us may know – and finding words is famously already a big part of the solution.
2. Autonomy versus shame and doubt (18 months – 3 years)
This stage begins as infants turn into toddlers and start wanting to do things by themselves. Are they allowed to? Is it generally okay if they make mistakes? Is it a big deal? Based on this they can develop an overall feeling of “I can do things or figure it out” on the one side versus “If I start something, it’d better be perfect, otherwise I lose love” on the other. Once again, a fork in the road for a feeling they may carry on for a while (according to Erikson).
3. Initiative versus guilt (3-5 years)
Is the little human okay to explore, to suggest things or to try stuff, or are they being dismissed and overly corrected to a certain ideal? Based on this he or she may develop a sense of “My ideas are valid” versus “Somehow I always get it wrong” that, once again, may accompany them for life.
4. Industry versus inferiority (6-11 years)
At this stage, located more or less throughout primary and middle school, children first learn that they can actually do stuff. If given enough tools, methods and opportunity, they tend to develop a healthy ambition along the lines of “If I work hard, I can be good at things” – versus an underlying sensation of “No matter what I try, I usually fail”.
5. Identity versus confusion (12-18 years)
In this crucial time social interactions are at the forefront. We go to high school, (ideally) make friends, perhaps have first crushes and explore what it means to feel connected to likeminded people. Throughout all of this we realise ourselves as individuals, seeing that we are different from those around us, not the same as our parents either and that we get to make our own choices and forge our own paths. One of my favourite movies illustrating this is Boyhood by Richard Linklater, showing the coming of age of a young boy and allowing the viewer watch this kid grow into a man. Honestly, how epic is this? If this phase “succeeds”, it helps us see ourselves as this unique being that we get to be in this world. If it doesn’t, it leaves us confused and unclear on where we stand and whether we want something because we truly want it or because our parents tell us so (or the opposite).
6. Intimacy versus isolation (18-40 years)
During this phase, what matters especially are our social interactions. From close friends to significant others: Can we find likeminded people that we truly feel like ourselves around? Are we loveable? Can we really show ourselves and feel understood? This basic need can be filled by a significant other (or not), but what matters here (I do not tire to write, according to Erikson) is the feeling we gain from it.
7. Generativity versus stagnation (40-65 years)
This is where in my eyes it truly gets epic. What is the legacy we leave behind? Can our life be bigger than just us and our individual little destiny? Can we pass on what we know? Again, there is many ways to go about this: May it be through children, activism, mentor relationships or volunteering at a pet shelter, what matters again is the subjective feeling. And according to this, we might be able to answer: Do I leave something good behind?
8. Integrity versus dispair (65 years +)
I rememeber that somehow this point touched me deeply when I first heard about it – and to be perfectly honest it does through this day. Here, it is all about “what it was all good for”. Looking back to the lives we’ve led up until this moment, with or without all the decisions we took and mistakes that we made… Can we look back and honestly say that it was all good the way it was? Can we be at peace with everything that happened and how it unfolded? Or are there regrets we may never really let go of, moments that will be haunting us forever?
I honestly find this point so beautiful. Even though there’s obviously plenty to criticise about Erikson and Psychodynamic Theories and how little scientific validity there is, I feel like these questions touch something deeply human within us. They point towards a sense of meaning, a sense of okayness and a sense of the beautiful and messy imperfection of life.
Back in the day when I had my little youtube channel, the very first story I told was about my grandmother and the decisions she took and the peace she gained from it. I couldn’t put my finger on it then, but after speaking to my husband today I realise that it is both her and Erikson, to me, that evoke this deep longing for meaning in life.
What do you think about this model? Is there anything within it that resonates with you? In case there is, I would be happy to hear from you in the comment section below.